I've spoken before about Eulogies, but today during a particularly moving tribute a new introspection was hither born. Hither!
A theme pounced out into my brain that previously hadn't inspired too much personal reflection. It seemed that, by all accounts, the best thing that had ever happened to this man was that he fell in love. Big time. Once. Married a woman, and loved and loved and loved until he died.
Without getting too personal, I don't understand love at all. I don't think it exists as people generally construct, but I am interested in relationships that last 60 years or more...
I like the idea of happy and harmonious co-dependency. That is probably love, yeah? The way I see it, there is nothing harmful in wanting to 'hold hands' with implausibly beautiful people either. Combine the two, and that might be what's going on. As I get older, I think I generally get more fearful. Perhaps the fear of getting closer to death, and closer to fragility, will push me towards someone so much that cuddling only them and never leaving is the only way forward. Just a thought...
I think I've fallen in 'love' with every one I have kissed. It just happens. Again, it's probably too personal, but I've never been a pash n' dash girl. Trust me, I wanted to be, but that crown was already taken at school. Cripplingly awkward. And I have a screwed up jaw that makes things all the more awkward if a kiss isn't premeditated. Basically, I doubt my strengths and know my weaknesses.
I think about what it would be like to be romantically involved with most attractive people that I meet. Attractive, or funny. Equal measure is also great. Friends, neighbours, the guy that makes my coffee, the girl that works at the IGA, the cable guy... Is this weird?
It seems that before I have kissed someone in the past, I generally had pre-planned that if they were to make that move or vice versa, I could see myself getting seriously involved. It's because I think about my options so much. There has been a general agreement within myself that if I think the person is a lot of alright they are more than permitted to be up in my grill. Grill = face, just so we're clear. This is assuming that at the time I haven't been in a relationship, I'm no cheater floosy. But even in relationships, I still think about who would be suitable suitors. Ha.
The story goes, so far, that my instant love has seemed to be unoffensive . Co-dependency loomed closer and closer and closer until I shook hands with each lover and jumped across to the next footpath to the future. Always with honesty, always with intent, always with humour, but not with 'the one'.
When do you know to stop skipping in the playground, or do you need to?
P.S. And don't just answer "You just know."
Peace. x
Blimey you're a soppy old romantic at heart aren't you. From where I am/was (and that's the only place any of us can comment from) love wasn't something that was obvious and made my partner stand out from the others in the way I felt about her. What made her "the one" was how easy it was to be with her. How easy it was to share a silence and just to be around one another. The comfort in simply holding hands without speaking when walking down the street was present with one person but absent in all the others. It's about how easy it is to argue and disagree without feeling like a huge chasm opens up between you. A whole load of that kinda stuff. Looks and lust are only a very very small part of the stuff that will drag you out of the playground long term.
ReplyDeleteThat'll teach you to ask :)
Eddie
p.s. You just know - oops, sorry.
yeah i used to think what a load of crap myself but you do just know. [ not much help am i ] eddie summed it up pretty well but your spouse, partner etc has to be your best friend if you dont have that bond then you dont have the one. you never know when, you never know where, and when you least expect it, you will just know.
ReplyDeleteI never know. Maybe that means I've never been with the right person, but I'm not so sure I believe in 'the one' - at least for me. I'm still a hopeful romantic though.
ReplyDeleteA relationship has to have a strong base of mutual attraction, respect and friendship. From there anything is possible - as long as you communicate honestly and openly. And you must be prepared to renegotiate periodically - people change, all you can do is try to adapt to each other.
You may not ever 'just know' but you may find a person that you just keep waking up next to in the morning. And find yourself still thinking "you're the shit!" when they do something cool years later. And find all the distractions of other attractive people aren't enough to dislodge you from this one.
Remember: all relationships fail until one doesn't.
Co-habitation is how I view love as well. I can't fathom being with someone that long.
ReplyDeleteWOW, all of these men offering advice in support of romance and one realistic woman! The tables have turned! Men are mushy!
ReplyDelete