My dad found a dead guy, again.
It was less than twelve months ago that my dad was running through some bushland near his home when he found a young guy hanging from a tree. A particularly harrowing experience for someone less seasoned to playing with corpses, and dad was left traumatised (and within reason).
In retrospect, I wish I had spent more time talking with him about this initial event. Seeing a father figure in a fragile state is a strange mind f*ck really, isn't it? I shirked my daughterly responsibilites, partly due to the removal I thought my rank as 'oddly admirable family mortician' gave me, and partly because I was reluctant to honestly open up and offer my support as an adult in the family.
Yesterday dad called me with the news that he'd found dead dude #2. Again whilst on an early morning run he'd come across a vehicle that appeared abandoned. On closer inspection, a male had propped a shotgun between his knees and decorated the roof with his brains. Yuck! And Sad!
This time, dad isn't ok. At a time in his life where he should be taking the time to smell the roses, drive slowly on sundays and other such associated activities, dad is trying to forget frantic moments and crushing anxieties. This time, I'm ready to step up. As I was supported as a child, I will duly support my father.
This whole thing has made me remember that death isn't something that necessarily happens in cold, sterile environments either. My environment is safe and cool (and I play spectacular music) so it's relatively unchallenging, but out in the wilderness with dead people....I'd be shattered.
Dad, I don't like blood either. I'm sorry you were the one. (twice)
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Awesome. Im in the middle of a long period of relative sobriety (well except medically, which is barely anything workable unfortunately) with the least amount of new input of my life. I wonder more and more if its just too much energy going into those walking corpses and my own mortality. I wonder what even a break would do for my mind; id maybe finally be able to use the data ive collected? I hope your dad finds answer or distraction. Which ever brings peace. Well, the most peace.
ReplyDeleteHow profound for your father. I wonder what possible reason there could be for him finding not one but two deceased males (given that I am prone to seeking the spiritual meaning in every occurrence). I love your writing and applaud you for your frankness.
ReplyDeletehow terrible for your dad, when my son killed himself i spent a long time trying to find a person who called in the discovery of him, police coroner tried, i still think about her, and wish i could give her a hug, angels dont always have wings
ReplyDeleteYou are there and you are with him - that will be an immense comfort (somewhat) to him. Our actions always speak louder than words.
ReplyDeleteI do hope that your Dad eventually recovers from these horrors that have happened in such a short amount of time.
Your poor father. People seem on the surface to be strong but cracks appear and they need support. What a totally horrible experience. Many hugs to him.
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