I expected that I'd be writing forever here, y'know, and then one day I just stopped. I'm not sure whether it was too uncomfortable or embarrassing, maybe I felt like an imposter in my own home, but I lost connection to the blog that was started so long ago under such different circumstances. It's like picking up a diary from school and following on without break in the ink. And I cringe, yet I yearn for a similar expressive space.
I don't miss the mortuary. I do, however, miss the sense of purpose the job provided. The reward was rich, and helping the dead made things more interesting than now. There was a strong sense of duty and an element of selflessness that seems lost in the wider business operations.
I am only now coming to realise that in losing my daily dedication, I have been in mourning.
People poo-poo dwelling in the past. I can understand why, but I figure that if you haven't quite nabbed why you're feeling a little lost, maybe the past isn't a bad place to visit so that you can wrap up the ends.
I like remembering where I was when I first started writing on the blog, even if the memories are tinged with sadness.
In the beginning I'd ride my girlfriend's bike home from work, take a shower and plonk on the couch with the laptop. Every day I'd rush to write an entry so that by the time she came home I'd have something to show her. When the relationship ended I painted a world that was unshaken, but it was far from the truth, and writing from other couches and with other people wracked me with guilt. The blog brought me other people, but never a sense of pride.
The years passed and naturally the entries stacked so as to follow days, but I've been writing from a distance, away from the couch.
I have been in mourning.
it's nice you're 'back' ... your writing has always felt like it's coming from the centre of you, and i (and others too i guess) have always felt it's real. if it's raw for you to re-read them - i understand that, however that is the thing that touches me.
ReplyDeleteWhy would anyone want anyone who is crawling 'back', or anywhere else. Let alone 'need'.
ReplyDeleteOn knees: Alright, sometimes. Obviously. Still, not bad writing for a bot.
Your 2017 writing is really crisp. And the last 2 from 2015 have a nice resonance.
It always had a nice personal scent in here, not unlike reading someone's diary. Not thatI would! I would.
You have honed wordsmithery to forge without a furnace and bellows. It is impressive.
Well, maybe still bellows. There always has to be a fire, even a cold one. Certainly any hammering is absent, most assuredly.
Writing tersely calls different aspects out to play. I can see the benefit.
Especially for crafting performance. Inspiring words to use their stage-space and allotted time within a recompense economy.
Short pieces are made to be read.
Here is my testimony on how I was cured of HIV by Dr Akhigbe,with his natural herbal medicine. on a regular basis in efforts to help others when I could. As you may know, each donation is tested. Well, on July 6th I had a meeting with a Red Cross representative and was told that I had HIV. “What went through your mind when you heard that "Rose" Good question reader! To be honest, I thought my life was over, that I would ever find love, get married, have children or anything normal. Lucky for me I have an amazing support system. My family supported me then I never thought that I was invincible to STD s or pregnancy or anything else parents warn their kids about. I just didn’t think about it. I was in a monogamous relationship and thought that I asked the right questions. We even talked about marriage Scary. During that time I was in college and donated blood on a re as well. who helped me in search of cure through the media.there we saw a good testimony of sister 'Kate' about the good work of Dr Akhigbe natural herbal medicine cure.then I copied his email address and contacted him. A good herbalist doctor with a good heart, he is kind, loving and caring. He replied back to my message and told me what to do. After a week the doctor sent me my herbal medicine and instructed me how to take it.Yes it worked very well, after drinking it I went to the hospital for another test and everything turned negative. What a wonderful testimony I can never forget in my life. Dr Akhigbe is a man who gave me a life to live happily forever so all I want you all to believe and know that cure of HIV is real and herbs is a powerful medicine and it works and heals. Dr Akhigbe also used his herbal medicine to cure diseases like: HERPES, DIABETES, SCABIES, HEPATITIS A/B, STROKE, CANCER, ALS, TUBERCULOSIS, ASTHMA, PENIS ENLARGEMENT, MALARIA, LUPUS, LIVER CIRRHOSIS, DEPRESSION, HIV/AIDS, EPILEPSY, BACTERIAL, DIARRHEA, HEART DISEASES, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, PARKINSON'S, ALZHEIMER, COLD URTICARIA, HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS,INSOMNIA, BACTERIAL VAGINOSIS, SCHIZOPHRENIA, JOINT PAIN, STOMACH PAIN, CHROME DISEASES, CHLAMYDIA, INSOMNIA HEARTBURN, , THYROID, MAR BURG DISEASES, MENINGITIS, ARTHRITIS, BODY WEAK, SMALLPOX, DENGUE, FEVER, CURBS, CHANCRE, AND OTHERS VARIOUS DISEASES/ VIRUS. You are there and you find yourself in any of these situations, kindly contact Dr Akhigbe now to help you get rid of it. Here is his email address:
ReplyDeletedrrealakhigbe@gmail.com or you can write to him on whats app with his phone number: +2349010754824.
My appreciation is to share his testimony for the world to know the good work Dr Akhigbe has done for me and he will do the same for you.