Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Post One Hundred and Thirty Four: Speak of Moderns.

I'm in love with the ideas of things. Such things are all inclusive. People, pot plants, pianos, pie making and other words not necessarily starting with (P). The (p)roblem is; I don't have a particular proficiency with reality checking. My head is in the clouds and my reality is most often much grittier.

I flared into a career as a mortician thinking that I could just be the 'hair and makeup' girl. Cue incorrect answer sound effect. I thought that by studying Psychology I'd be able to lay rich people on couches, letting them talk about their shit kids while I snuck cheese into my mouth. Repeat said sound effect.

These misaligned ideas fly around like rats on acid. Quick, greedy, crazy and kind of ugly. I'm attracted to all opportunities, and that isn't necessarily a shit thing. I come into trouble though when I have too many of these ideas going on at once and I break a mental sweat like a whore in church. I run myself, physically overwhelmed, into a black hole of misery. Then all of the ideas doing their mousy wheel exercisin' in my mind flop dead into the same black hole, equally as spent as I.

Here's the specifics if you are so inclined. I'll warn you, this is some serious front of mind shit and as such probably won't make sense or be interesting in the slightest:

(Oh Dear Diary)

I can't commit to getting a stretchy yoga torso if the classes are ninety minutes long and you have to go more than three times a week. That expectation is morbidly unrealistic. Furthermore, I can't do that activity if I need to practise to play decently in a new band. This makes sense, because you don't need good genes to play guitar but no matter how hard I try I will not look like Jennifer Aniston. Ever. Lastly, it's probably not prudent to be in a band if I want to start studying again. (Then again, do I even want to do that?).

And then, the real humdinger, I have to work full time plus on call weekends to pay back the mountain of debt I incurred whilst moving houses and setting up shop in a badly-in-need-of-condemning shit hole. I moved into the shit hole due to another one of those head in the cloud, romantisizing moments of pragmatic supression.

The rose tinted window is just that.



  1. I hear you fully. Read this blog ... it gave me peace to know that I am (and sounds like you are) a "scanner". Yes, there is a name for people like us ... the numerous ideas and concepts that excite us and then wane as the next big idea takes over. You're not alone thinking this way!! :-)

  2. Flying around like rats on acid, lovely. I was more concerned with how you were going to train a rotating basist to play your songs. You can study work and band and 1 glass of yogurt a week. But you will be one of "those" people. No time for nothing and snappy. Er. Id say band now, study in your late 20s or whatever. Or one class at a time untill its "real" study time. Life is tough. And boring. Then exciting...then long delays in boring. I am going to have a coffee even tho i have work in the morning, prudence be darned! (whoever she is). Im exciting, just ask me tomorrow! I love you, stay there. Now go go! Now stay there for a while and stay safe Xxx

  3. Who is this Zordon character, and do you mean to be maGnificent? Because you are. And I am in my late 20's.

  4. Sarah you hit the nail on the head when you said you are in your 20s.Enjoy your vast amount of various interests and take on whatever you enjoy at the time,as time goes so fast and before you know it you are old and have regrets.Let it be a blessing and not a curse as boredom is far worse.Every task you take on does not have to be completed as everything is a learning experience in life and helps you grow.You are a wonderful person full of life and need to live that life.Go with your inner voice and all will be ok.

  5. moving houses and setting up shop in a badly-in-need-of-condemning shit hole. I moved into the shit hole due to another one of those head in the cloud, romantisizing moments of pragmatic supression. Oh i am SO with you on this one Sar! x