Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Post Seventy-Four: It's Ladies Night (We All Get In For Free!).
You know what's rad? Ladies night in the mortuary! (Well, Ladies day. Night just sounds funner).
It doesn't happen very often but occasionally there'll be days in which only ladies are to be prepared for their funerals. Some times guys just don't die that day... It feels like I have a beauty salon of my own but the customers are just really tired and quiet.
For some reason I get really excited by this and my work gets fine tuned for the primping and priming that my job entails. The ladies get a full bubble bath, shampoo, condition and blow dry, styling and cosmetic makeover. Even though they smell pretty crappy when they initially come in, they leave looking like Betty White and smelling like Chanel No. 5 (A donation from a previous client who didn't need it anymore!). My girls are classy broads, I tell you!
I usually like to use pretty, soft natural colours on my ladies faces but I do whatever the family tell me to. I get a little sad when they say "Please use very natural makeup but she would want red lipstick and blue eyeshadow." Wtf. Puhleese, blue eyeshadow on a dead person...it looks revolting. Their eyes are permanently closed so you see blue all the time, no eyeballs moving around to break up the focus on the hideous lid. Make up on corpses is pretty simple, although people with gammy teeth can also piss me off. I like a smooth lip line as the face is completely scrutinised due to the stillness of the corpse but sometimes, nanna doesn't have the features to pull off death...But I love to try!
I had a random thought today as I was washing a ladies hair. What would happen if you died in the shower while you had conditioner in. You know how you leave it on while you wash the rest of your body and go back to rinse it after...Anyway, if you fell and it didn't rinse out, imagine how soft it would be when it came time for the mortician to rinse out the conditioner that had been in your hair for who knows how long?!?! Just a thought. Funny huh.