Thursday, September 23, 2010

Post Seventy-One: She Got No Guns.

I'm reasonably confident in most aspects of my employment, but there are occasions where I feel pretty unequipped. My weakness is my entire lack of muscle, I gots me no brute strength. Sigh.

Who would've thought that to be an undertaker you need to be pretty physically fit? I guess, when you think about it (which I didn't), when people die they can't pick themselves up off the bathroom floor and walk themselves down the five flights of stairs into the transfer van...

I remember my first weekend of transfers well, which when basically described is when you go to wherever the person has died to pick them up and take them back to the funeral home (this only refers to natural deaths, suss ones involve the police and police contracted undertakers.)

I had only just learnt how to take the stretchers out of the van without the whole thing slamming to the ground. This involves this whole technique of gravity and clicky things and smooth movement, all skills of which I lack completely. When it was time to pull the stretcher out in front of the family I was probably the most afraid I have ever been in my life...they were all staring at me, most likely thinking "How the hell did such a little, mousey girl get a job like that. Strange..."

Two years later and I still fear the damn things. I don't like the fact they go up and down and the legs are bendy. I'd prefer to piggybag the corpses if I could, fireman stylz for sure. I haven't dropped anyone yet, but the scenario plays over and over in my fears...

Peace. x


  1. sarah this would have been your worst nightmare, When my mum passed away. after the 3 days at home wake and the 2 hours of catholic service at the church, we went to the grave side service. The guys who were there from the funeral parlor were lowering her coffin when I noticed they had a very scared look on their face. then when it was all over and everyone was walking away one of them came up too me and said im so very sorry... we will fix it when everyone leaves. i glanced down in the grave the cofin was on its side they had dropped 2 of the ropes." this was at nudgee in 1998" i just said too them its ok mum always slept on her side. dont know to this day if they did fix it up or not. really wouldnt worry me if they hadnt, id admit though it would be worse if it was a person on a trolley, cross fingers that never happens too you. all the best.
    Madonna xx

  2. Anything with wheels and clicky things are a force unto themselves. I'm flat out controlling a shopping trolley let alone trying to manoeuvre a stretcher.