Thursday, August 26, 2010

Post Fifty-Four: The Wardrobe Bandit


I almost wet myself laughing in the mortuary yesterday.
A beautiful little old man was in my care, and I was getting him ready for his last hoorah. He had a really characteristic face and I instantly loved his company. I got the feeling that he was going to play a practical joke on me, and I swear he still had a twinkle in his eye and a smirk on his face even though he was very ,very dead.
It was kind of weird, because I noticed in his bag of clothes he had three pairs of pants and three shirts. There were no notes alerting me to what outfit was preferenced so I picked my favourites and set to work.
The comedy unravelled when I noticed that his singlet had another mans name label on it. I checked his shirt, and that belonged to a third man... I wondered if this deceased man spent his last days pinching clothes of other residents of his nursing home as a last little fuck you to his enemies.
After continuing to check the rest of the garments, they all belonged to other gentlemen.... I think there were eight different names in total! What the hell was going on there, my friend the wardrobe bandit!?!?!
Oh....and I hope y'all caught me on jjj this arvo, sorry I didn't announce it or anything but I'm a bit of a retard with that sort of stuff. To be honest, I forgot because I bought myself my first bottle of gin last night and had a little bit too much fun getting loose. I have now learnt never to drink on a school night as hangovers in the mortuary are not desirable. Repeat, I will not drink on a school night again yo!
You'll be able to grab the chats with Linds as a podcast that will no doubt be up soon, tomorrow, tonight??? Who knows.
Peace. x

4 comments:

  1. Aw that's so cool.

    Do you talk to your charges when you work? I talk to the computer. Though ... it's usually not happy talking.

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  2. I apologise alot. Sometimes it's just because they're dead and I feel I need to say sorry. Other times it's because I'm trying to dress them and I bump their arm or something and it makes me feel like a bad mother hen.

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  3. Well if there is some sort of lingering consciousness - maybe we all travel in spirit to another universe or something - then I bet he appreciated the kind words ... and youthful lady hands on his tuccos!

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  4. They have been known to convieniently reach for my chesticles and smack my ass. Seriously. Oh well, one for the road I say.

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