Thursday, August 26, 2010

Post Fifty-Four: The Wardrobe Bandit

I almost wet myself laughing in the mortuary yesterday.
A beautiful little old man was in my care, and I was getting him ready for his last hoorah. He had a really characteristic face and I instantly loved his company. I got the feeling that he was going to play a practical joke on me, and I swear he still had a twinkle in his eye and a smirk on his face even though he was very ,very dead.
It was kind of weird, because I noticed in his bag of clothes he had three pairs of pants and three shirts. There were no notes alerting me to what outfit was preferenced so I picked my favourites and set to work.
The comedy unravelled when I noticed that his singlet had another mans name label on it. I checked his shirt, and that belonged to a third man... I wondered if this deceased man spent his last days pinching clothes of other residents of his nursing home as a last little fuck you to his enemies.
After continuing to check the rest of the garments, they all belonged to other gentlemen.... I think there were eight different names in total! What the hell was going on there, my friend the wardrobe bandit!?!?!
Oh....and I hope y'all caught me on jjj this arvo, sorry I didn't announce it or anything but I'm a bit of a retard with that sort of stuff. To be honest, I forgot because I bought myself my first bottle of gin last night and had a little bit too much fun getting loose. I have now learnt never to drink on a school night as hangovers in the mortuary are not desirable. Repeat, I will not drink on a school night again yo!
You'll be able to grab the chats with Linds as a podcast that will no doubt be up soon, tomorrow, tonight??? Who knows.
Peace. x


  1. Aw that's so cool.

    Do you talk to your charges when you work? I talk to the computer. Though ... it's usually not happy talking.

  2. I apologise alot. Sometimes it's just because they're dead and I feel I need to say sorry. Other times it's because I'm trying to dress them and I bump their arm or something and it makes me feel like a bad mother hen.

  3. Well if there is some sort of lingering consciousness - maybe we all travel in spirit to another universe or something - then I bet he appreciated the kind words ... and youthful lady hands on his tuccos!

  4. They have been known to convieniently reach for my chesticles and smack my ass. Seriously. Oh well, one for the road I say.