Monday, August 16, 2010

Post Forty-Eight: Fashions in The Field.

Obviously I have largely pre-planned my own funeral in the case of my unfortunate early demise. Plans need to be in place for the hoe-down (is that seriously spelt hoe?) if I spontaneously combust, right?. I'm a pretty horrifying driver because I have terrible visuo-spatial awareness, so maybe that might be the end for me. Similarly, poor impulse control coupled with acute unco-ordination is a recipe for tragedy.

However I go, all I know is that I want to be dressed in a monkey or skeleton suit. I'm not sure which one yet....

One of the best perks of being a mortician is playing dress ups with my clients. This sounds weirder than it is, but I do get a kick out of putting a dapper suit and bow tie on an old guy. That is, unless he has a mad tan from wearing ruggers and thongs and it's obvious he'd never worn a suit in his life. Likewise, when ladies are buried in beautiful silk vintage dresses my heart swoons. I often wish I could have a chat with them and ask them if they could leave the dress for me and perhaps go in something that wouldn't be so valued in my own wardrobe.

People have asked to be buried in the nude, because thats how they were most comfortable. I've put a 98 year old in a lace g-string bodysuit. About a billion corpse brides have come through. Plenty of footy jerseys, not enough band shirts....

What would you want to be buried in? I suggest you make a note if you have preferences, you wouldn't want someone to pack your holey holy undies, or would you?

Peace. x


  1. Something comfy - I'm going to be down there for a while so I don't really want to be too dressed up. Jeans and a tshirt (though choosing the shirt might be difficult - I have about eighty..). Bare feet.

  2. Wow. I figured Stainy McStain (A T shirt with a stain on it) and girls PJ bottoms.

    How do you get the clothes on? Do you have to lift up the body to dress them? Or do you drape it over them and make it appear they're dressed?

  3. Dressing well took me a few months to master, but I got the skills! If you ever see a nurse dress someone in a nursing home, its a whole procedure invloving about 6 rolls side to side. Sometimes more depending on the fabric. With sleeves, the trick is to treat the arm like a water pump. Also, I guess I have deceiving muscles from lifting both legs of a grown man onto my right shoulder so I can pull their pants up. The skillz...

  4. I've been thinking about what I will wear for eternity ever since I read this post. As I'll be lying down for a really long time, comfort is my main criteria. Yes, I know I won;t be feeling but it's hard to switch off the conscious when you're still conscious. So I've decided on whatever pair of PJ's I'm favouring at the time, preferably flanelette.
    Sarah, I love your blog. It's amazing. x